emotions within

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2009-10-14T11:18:00.000-07:00

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arranged marriages

2009-09-08T19:55:00.000-07:00

Historically parents have played a major role in choosing marriage partners for their children, and the custom continues in the world’s developing countries today. Parental influence is greatest when the parents have a large stake in whom their child marries. Traditionally, marriage has been regarded as an alliance between two families, rather than just between the two individuals. Aristocratic families could enhance their wealth or acquire royal titles through a child’s marriage. Marriage was also used as a way of sealing peace between former enemies, whether they were kings or feuding villagers.

The most extreme form of parental influence is an arranged marriage in which the bride and groom have no say at all. For instance, in traditional Chinese practice, the bride and groom meet for the first time on their wedding day. In some upper-caste Hindu marriages, children are betrothed at a very young age and have no voice in the decision. In a less extreme form of arranged marriage, parents may do the matchmaking, but the young people can veto the choice. Some small cultures scattered around the world have what social scientists call preferential marriage. In this system, the bride or groom is supposed to marry a particular kind of person—for example, a cousin on the mother’s or father’s side of the family.

In many traditional societies, marriage typically involved transfers of property from the parents to their marrying children or from one set of parents to the other. These customs persist in some places today and are part of the tradition of arranged marriages. For example, in some cultures the bride’s parents may give property (known as a dowry) to the new couple. The practice of giving dowries has been common in countries such as Greece, Egypt, India, and China from ancient times until the present. It was also typical in European societies in the past. Although the giving of dowries has been part of the norms of marriage in these cultures, often only those people with property could afford to give a dowry to the young couple.

Families use dowries to attract a son-in-law with desirable qualities, such as a particularly bright man from a poor but respectable family or a man with higher status but with less money than the bride’s family has. In societies in which the giving of dowries is customary, families with many daughters can become impoverished by the costs of marriage. For this reason, in Europe in earlier times some families sent “extra” daughters to convents. In India and China, where it is expected that every woman will marry, families have sometimes tried to limit the number of daughters born to them through infanticide (the killing of infants).

In some societies, the groom’s family gives property (known as bridewealth or brideprice) not to the new couple but to the bride’s relatives. Particularly in places where bridewealth payments are high, the practice tends to maintain the authority of fathers over sons. Because fathers control the resources of the family, sons must keep the favor of their fathers in order to secure the property necessary to obtain a bride. The custom of giving bridewealth occurs primarily in parts of Africa, the Middle East, and Asia. Anthropologists characterize bridewealth as compensation to the bride’s family for the transfer to the groom’s family of the bride’s reproductive capacities or her ability to work. They debate whether the practice should be seen as the actual sale of a daughter or whether it is a ritual—that is, a symbolic act—rather than an economic transaction.

Although arranged marriage persists in many cultures today, as modernization proceeds and many areas become part of the global economy, parental influences on marriage continue to decline. Young people who work for wages rather than on the family’s land no longer depend as highly on their parents’ resources. As Western popular culture—including motion pictures, television, music, and fashion—spreads around the world, many young people are drawn to Western notions of love, romance, and individual choice. In some places, such as Japan, people combine modern Western and older cultural practices. For instance, parents and computer matchmaking services help find prospective mates, and the individuals can accept or reject the proposed match

THE COMMENTARY ON THE TWIST OF LIFE

2009-07-19T21:48:00.000-07:00

The poem the twist of life was authored under some bizarre circumstances. The author married 2004 based on emotions he felt were real. Prior to 2004, he had had so many relationships which could not blossom into anything meaningful. His emotional development was rather stunted. He did not feel or believe in love and concluded it can never happen to him.
In November 2003, he was amazed after a hot rewarding conversation with a young lady which made an indelible impression on him. Suddenly the emotions started flowing (love?), this is shown by his words of praise as he describes this young lady at the beginning of the poem. He felt he had it and he hurriedly plunged into a lifelong commitment (marriage).
TWIST OF LIFE was written at a time when the author found out his lifelong decision was based on uncertainty and fantasies. This is indicated by his words ‘what you desire is not what you get’; it suddenly hit him that the relationship was not he bargained for. Doubts, mixed emotions were the results of his mistake (bad decisions).
Life could give you TALL or SHORT these refer to physical appearance. One could get a tall or short mate. Many young ones today make a pre-decision of what their mate would look like; some might go to the extent of assigning specifics like 5ft 0r 6 ft. However, when emotion strikes these statistics are not usually remembered, which for good as these physical attributes does not play significant role in relationships.
The poem refers to life giving one a ‘miss’, ‘Mrs.’ or ‘1/2mrs’ these are various options life presents.
MISS- a young lady, unmarried, beautiful, in her own way, full of life, and confidence without any care in the world. The ladies in this group are sometimes difficult to deal with; they are not desperate and expect every young man to be at their back and call. They believe there is still life. Experiences of some young men has the folly of having such ladies, a man picked one of such fine ladies and sent her to school, provided for her needs and paid for her schooling only at the end the receives the rhetoric question ‘how much did you pay? let me pay back’ as thank you. Life can be cruel; we do not know what we will get.
MRS- refers to those ladies who hitherto had been married and for one reason or the other are now unmarried (divorce or death of spouse). The ladies in this group are usually accommodating, self satisfied, self made, not usually desperate, might even have kids.
Most times the relationship starts on simple friendly note and progresses to the young man running errands and chores and there blossoms a relationship, not before long the man will try convincing himself the lady is not bad, age is a thing of the mind, and other self assuaging expressions. Suddenly, it happens love (emotions). Some other young men might enter such union because of their position in life believing that their lot will be bettered if they enter such relationship. That is a bad decision and later they regret.
The author talks about 1/2mrs in reference to ladies who had had a semi marriage experience. When two people believe they are in love, they might impulsively de3cide to live together and see how the relationship goes. Days, months and even years later such relationship can end. In certain parts of Africa it is accepted practice for two people who are in love to live together as they test run the relationship to see if it will result in marriage. After some time if the lady becomes pregnant a wedding is hurriedly organized but if the lady fails to be pregnant she is asked to leave and their ends a lifelong dream. Mistake bad decisions. Lets face it this lady is now desperate for a relationship, she is like used car in car market pool. She will do anything to woo a man, loyal to a fault and will likely shield her faults and weaknesses only for them to be obvious three months later after the wedding.
This is likely the situation the writer found himself; the language of the poem suggests disappointment obviously from a failed marriage. Many share these similar experiences from bad decisions as each day go by our emotions continue to develop from unfeeling to supposed love then surprise at the realization that it is not love, then comes disappointment and hate. This emotional development might continue to disengagement, divorce, or even death. None of these options are palatable. What are your own experiences feel free to share. We await your comment as we await the next commentary on the poem.

THE TWIST OF LIFE

2009-07-10T15:46:00.000-07:00

Life who can tell it allThe goodtimes;the bad times
what u desire is not what u getwhat u want eludes u
what u believe runs away from u
No one can say how it will eventually turn out no wonder the old book say:lets not talk about what we can dowith certainty....that is only for God
I've resolved to accept what life gives. Life acts at whim it gives u whatever it wants
with no already written codeit can give u black or fair
it can give u tall or short, furnish a miss ,mrs or 1/2mrs or provide u with ever smiling like the sun floweror gorgeous as with the rose flower.
Life who can really tell, it's wind can blow hardlike a desert fan or fair like the buzzing air conditioner or worse like a hurricane take life as it comes in good faith. No hurry in life true taking one step at a time, flow with the stance of life don;t expect too much from it.

emotions within

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arranged marriages

THE COMMENTARY ON THE TWIST OF LIFE

THE TWIST OF LIFE